Lately, whenever I see ads of smiling mothers with their perfectly behaved babies, something in me just wants to tear it a cosmos full of new ones. When I got pregnant, my social interactions widened significantly. Suddenly, every working mom in my company was my friend. I figured they’d hand me advice. I got a lot of titters and a building full of ‘Ohhh wait until you get to the part when she’s mobile!’ Really cute? Yes. Helpful? Not really.
If I was hoping to get any ProTips about the first few weeks and months of motherhood, I certainly didn’t get any. It’s like they keep that stuff on the down low. All the mothers just constantly harped and chirped about how adorable my baby was going to be and told their struggles with baby weight.
So, I did the next best thing, I read tons of baby related articles and books. I got this rosy picture in my head that I was going to just love my baby upon sight and I’d be able to breastfeed her for the first 2 years of her life.
Now that I’m a mom, the rose-tinted-glasses are totally off. Not just that, they got ripped off and got trampled into the ground. So, let’s see: What do I wish I was warned about?
1.) Cupid’s arrow can totally miss you when you see your baby for the first time.
My Sophie Marie was delivered normally. So that meant she was a lil’ melon that was scrunched, pushed, and squeezed through a tiiiiiiny tunnel and out a hole the size of an orange. I suppose anyone wouldn’t look their best when they go through something like that. I always imagined that when I was handed my baby, I’d burst into happy tears. The reality? I looked at the tiny wriggly thing with red eyes, flared nostrils, and pouting lips and I thought: Who that heck is that?!
She just looked like an absolute stranger to me. I suppose it also didn’t help that I felt overwhelmed with what I had just gone through. I found myself just staring at her, wondering where the overflowing feeling of love was supposed to be.
ProTip: If you do love your baby on sight, that’s great! If you don’t, it gets better. You may not love your baby right away but each and every little thing will endear them to you in ways you never expect.
2.) You won’t magically turn into an overflowing milk source and there’s a possibility you never will.
A couple of hours after Sophie was born, I got to nurse her. I was happy that she was getting the most important part: colostrum. So, there I was, thinking that I was going to be able to exclusively breastfeed my baby. Then, a couple of days later, I started noticing that my supply wasn’t quite keeping up with my daughter. I was so concerned about her food supply that I asked her then pediatrician what formula we could use to supplement her should I not have milk at the time. Sophie’s doctor just repeated the same thing over and over again: “Just keep breastfeeding her. Your supply will dry up if you don’t.”
That certainly added a lot of pressure on me. The first week back in our house was terrible. Sophie kept crying her head off because she was hungry and I didn’t have any milk for her. I was so stressed because I wanted to feed her but I couldn’t. It didn’t help that stress is detrimental to milk production. It was a vicious cycle. I bought a pump and even drank supplements but they were no help either. During Sophie’s wellness check-up, I finally got her doctor to tell me what formula I could supplement my breast milk with. The crappiest thing about it was since she was rather opinionated about my breastfeeding, I figured I could ask her what I could do to improve the production and she answers me this gem of a reply: “I don’t know. That’s not my specialization.”
I asked my mother and she didn’t have any good advice to give me as she was quite the producer. Because of all that, I was becoming increasingly convinced that there was something wrong with me. My OB alone told me something that banished all my fears and stress: “Ganyan talaga paminsan. Meron talaga malakas. Merong mahina. Ok lang yun.” (It’s just like that sometimes. There are those that produce a lot. There are those that don’t. It’s okay.) I cried right there in her office after she told me that.
ProTip: It’s okay. Let go of the guilt. It’s not your fault. Interchanging breastfeeding with formula feeding is not a crime. No one should make you feel that it is. Breast milk supply can be built up and it takes a lot of time, effort, and sadly, funds (pumps/meds/herbs/tea the works). Ultimately, go with what you’re comfortable with and not what you’re pressured into. In the end, you and your little one will thank you.
3.) Breastfeeding will get better after a significant amount of pain and know-how.
This was something I was not expecting right away. I thought the pain would come in when teething came in too. I certainly remember my mother shedding some tears while my baby brother was nursing during his teething stage. I prepped myself for that. What I did not realize was that my baby couldn’t control how hard she sucked. Babies. They’re creatures of immediate gratification, really. They’re hungry? They want food NOW. My Sophie was apparently latched incorrectly and it resulted in a lot of pain for me. It resulted in broken skin and a feeling so sore even bare air hurt!
The break I got whenever she was bottle-fed was very welcome. If anything, being fed from the bottle taught her that she didn’t have to suck so hard to get milk. I was lucky enough to catch a lactation consultant in the hospital I gave birth in and she taught me how to swaddle and latch my daughter properly. Everything went on swimmingly after that.
ProTip: Don’t give up just because it hurts. Don’t go at it alone. Get help when you can. The bonding and closeness that I feel with my daughter whenever she nurses is indescribable. It may feel like it’ll never get better but I’m here to tell you that it does. It really does. Give yourself a break whenever you can. Wonder what cream you can use to help with the pain? I used breast milk. I dabbed a bit around the area and the soreness and broken skin healed up in a few hours.
4.) No, you’re not crazy but seeing poop in that diaper can make you ridiculously happy.
My daughter is an irregular pooper. So you can imagine my worry when after every feeding she didn’t go number two. Not just that, she go on for days without pooping. The baby books all say that babies usually poo after every feeding. Not my Sophie, though. The longest she had gone without was around four days. I was going nuts with worry and was talking to my mother via Skype. I was rocking my daughter gently and then I heard it. That unmistakable sound of grunting and motions of bearing down. I looked down and saw my sleeping little baby with a smile on her face! I checked her diaper and there it was!
My mother can attest to the whoops of joy I exclaimed that day. Eventually, she settled to an every two days schedule so it’s all good.
ProTip: Babies really vary. Things in baby books are scenarios that have been usually observed but that doesn’t mean that there’s no space for anything new. Don’t panic. Observe your baby for a few days. When Sophie was exclusively breast fed, she didn’t poo like other babies as her body was absorbing everything and nothing went to waste. Same was the case for my friend who recently had her son. If you are already too concerned, it doesn’t hurt to text your child’s pediatrician about it.
5.) Your instinct will war with your pediatrician’s advice.
When our baby is born, we put a lot of faith on the practitioner that’s going to be looking after them. We’d like to think that their years of experience will make for a smooth partnership in raising the baby. We do have to accept that isn’t always the case. Take my case for example. Sophie’s original pediatrician barely saw her for five minutes at a time when we were roomed in. Check-ups with her barely went above 10 minutes despite the fact that there were no other patients. She always seemed rushed. Her instructions were vague and she seemed irritated whenever I asked her a question despite the fact that I had clarified that this was my first live baby.
The first day when I told her via text that my baby wasn’t pooping, she wanted to prescribe a suppository post haste. My gut immediately went OH HELL NO. Even after I told myself that she knows what she’s doing, everything in me just didn’t want to budge. I went with my gut and waited for a few days and my daughter followed her own process without any medicine needed. I’m not against medicine in any way. It’s just that I’m an advocate of listening to your instincts. They’ll never let you down. If you feel deep in your gut that there’s something wrong, something probably is.
ProTip: Don’t hesitate to put your foot down. If you feel something is unnecessary, it probably is. Your doctor is there to guide you not dictate how you’re supposed to raise your child. Ultimately, the parent will have the final word. If you’re not happy with your pediatrician, don’t delay in finding a new doctor you’re satisfied with. Yung tipong, magaan ang loob mo. Sophie is currently seeing her second pediatrician and I’ve never been happier.
Those are the biggest ones I wished someone talked to me about before I gave birth to my daughter. Whenever someone asks me, I pass on my first-hand knowledge. I never claim to be an expert. It’s just that this was how things worked out for me.
What about you? What things did you wish that someone warned you about motherhood?
Being Arienne Jane 